Just when you think you have heard it all . . .

All of these quotes come from the animal clinic where I work and they are real!

"I am calling to make an appointment for "Lucy." I am her secretary."

"My dog has been coughing for a few weeks and I need to talk to the doctor. I think its from all the cat food he has been eating."

This call came in thirty minutes before closing time. "My dog has been bleeding for the last three weeks and I need to see the doctor right now!"

Owner: "My dog is scratching, but I have never seen a flea on him. Can the doctor look at him?"
Me: "Yes. Are you sure you have not seen a single flea?"
Owner: "Oh, I am sure! He sleeps with me and that would be gross."
Me: "Ok, sure. Are you using flea prevention?"
Owner: "No, but I swear its not fleas. It must be allergies or something."
Me: "Ok, let's let the doctor take a look."
Doctor: "Mrs. Smith, "Buddy" is covered in fleas."

"I do not bathe my dog. She licks herself clean, like a cat"

"I have a question. Can my dog get sick from being around other dogs?"

Doctor: "Miss Jones, your Miniature Dachshund weighed in at 30 pounds today. He needs to weigh closer to 10 pounds."
Owner: "Are you saying my dog is fat because my dog is not fat."
Doctor: "Yes Ma'am, "Charlie" needs to loose about 15-20 pounds . . . "
Owner: "My dog is not fat! My dog does not need to lose weight! He is just fine!"

"My dog needs to have her teeth cleaned? You mean you clean dog's teeth? I have never heard of that. How do you get then to sit still to do that?"

"I need to make an appointment for my cat to see the doctor. I think she was attacked by a Grizzly Bear."

I love my job! It keeps me on my toes!

Friends or foes?!

I once heard that sharing secrets helps friends grow closer together. I recently discovered that if you do share secrets with "friends" you run the risk of living in fear. For example, I shared with some work friends that I am not so fond of eyeballs. I learned this when I had to dissect a sheep's eye in biology. I cut into the eye, it squirted its contents back at me and down I went. A few days after sharing this with work "friends" I received a text of a dissected cow's eye. EEEEWWWW!!!

Well, I cannot play the victim all the time. This past week at girl's night, a discussion of phobias was going around the table. A friend confided in us that she had a fear of backbones. She cannot tolerate having her back touched or seeing another person's backbone poking through their skin. We all asked questions trying to understand how she lives with this fear and inevitably started in on the jokes just to see her squirm in her seat. It was hilarious from my point of view, but i know all too well how she felt.

The worst is when you tell a friend a secret-secret that you do not want everybody to know and they tell anyway. No I am not talking about gossip. I am talking about an embarassing mishap that you do not mind your friend knowing but do mind others knowing. I mean, is it that far of a stretch of the imagination that when you tell your friend in secret it should stay in secret? Obviously, a friend of mine does not understand this concept.

My secret-secret happened a few years ago when I was getting married. My soon to be mother-in-law gave me a bottle of Alli pills after I had expressed to her that I wanted to lose a little weight before the wedding. She told me to take two capsules before a meal and it would prevent my body from obsorbing 30% of the fat in the meal. She warned me that it could cause some intestinal issues including passing orange "stool", but not to be alarmed. The orange "stool" was actually the fat passing straight through without being obsorbed. What she did not tell me is that you should not take it when you eat fast food or a meal very high in fat which is what the instruction booklet tells you because it could cause anal leakage. The concequences of doing so is why Alli helps you choose healthier meals.

Getting back to the point, I had been taking Alli for a few days at my main meals. One day, I had Guthries and so I took two Alli capsules. That evening, Mark and I were at my apartment watching TV. We were laughing when I felt like I needed to pass gas. Since Mark and I had been together for almost 6 years I felt comfortable enough to not only pass gas in front of him, but to joke around about it with him. While we were laughing, I proceeded to "let one loose" not realizing that just a little bit of force would also help let loose the anal leakage of orange "stool" caused by eating a high fat meal. The smile was immediately wiped from my face at the astonishment of what just happeded! I jumped up to run to the bathroom leaving evidence of my mishap on the couch cushion and a hysterically laughing fiance! Just to be clear, I did not poop my pants! It was the undigested fat the Alli encircled to remove it from my body in a not so flattering way. All Alli users know what I mean. Mark now refers to this incident as my "epic fail."

I reveal this because my "friend" has already told everybody, so why not?! But, with every good story there is always an exaggeration. She calls it my "sharting story." I did not poop my pants!

I love technology!

So, a friend of mine gave me her Blackberry phone because she was moving. I have been wanting a Blackberry since they came out but I could never afford the phone. I am so super excited to have it!

I went to verizon on Friday to change out my phones (which took over an hour of waiting time) and quickly became too busy to play with my new phone. Today is the first chance I have had to play around and change all my settings.

I could not for the life of me figure out how to set my ringtone. I was so incredibly frustrated! I finally resorted to going on line. The Blackberry website told me to do the exact same thing my phone told me to do. My frustration escallated, but i followed the instructions and guess what? I managed to change my ringtone!

Now that I have that done, I had to post my success on Facebook! So I do and a friend immediately responds with a comment about the Geico Boss's ringtone that is Ring a ding a ding ding o ..... ringa dinga ding ding o ..... you know the commercial. So I go to the website on my phone and download that ringtone. That song really cracks me up and now I am going to be laughing everytime I answer my phone!

The List

Tonight, I was thinking of a list. A list of things I want to do but for one reason or another, I cannot. Here is what made the top ten:

10. I want to buy my dog a cute stuffed toy, but the cute stuffed pig would require surgery in less than five minutes.

9. I want to decorate my house, but it costs too much money.

8. I want to do my taxes, but I still have not received my W2 from my last job.

7. I recently took up knitting and I want to finish my scarf, but I never seem to have the time.

6. I want to give away my mentally challenged cat, but no one seems to want a broken cat.

5. I want to have kids, but I need to wait until Mark is out of school.

4. I want to take a vacation, but it costs too much time and money.

3. I want to expand my cooking expertise, but I do not own the required cooking pieces to many recipies.

2. I want a garden, but I know myself and I would get bored half way through planting seeds.

1. I want to finish the laundry. Do I really need to include the reason?

Have a great week people!

Ho Ho Holidays!

I love christmas! I love the food, I love spending quality time with my family, and I love decorations. I love everything about christmas. Mark and I went down to Mobile to celebrate christmas in my parent's home. My sister's family came as well. We all had a fantastic time. I think me and my niece were the most excited. My absolute favorite thing about christmas is to see the reactions on my family's faces when they open their gifts. My niece's reaction was perfect! Per my sister's suggestion, I bought Emory some new Disney Princess and Fancy Nancy underwear. Then I found some very cute socks that were brightly colored and had the days of the week on them. I then had a sudden realization, I am THAT aunt! I am that aunt that gives underwear and socks as presents! I do not want to be THAT aunt! Even though my sister told me that Emory wants those items and that she would be overjoyed when she opened her present, I had to get her something fun. I went to look for a coloring book and found a Disney Princess coloring/sticker book. I knew Emory would like it because I loved it! I almost got one for myself. :) When she opened her present, she did like the underwear, she liked the socks more because there was a purple pair (her new favorite color), but when she pulled the coloring/sticker book out of her bag, her face lit up and she immediately started chattering about a friend of hers who had one and she wished that she had one just like it! Needless to say I was elated because she loved her gift.

Mark and I drove down to Mobile on the backroads from T-town. It was actually a very pleasant drive. We drove through the boonies of Alabama. We saw Catfish farms, horses, cows, and two donkeys. We also were fortunate to pass by not one but 2 paper mills. Childhood memories came flooding back to me as I breathed in their putrid stink. My dad worked in Sylacauga and sometimes Mom would drive us kids down there to visit him at the hospital. On our way, we had to pass through Childersburg where a papermill resided. All of us kids would hold our noses and breathe through our mouths. Good times!

Now we look forward to New Year's and resolutions!

Hodge-Podge!

Oh my! I cannot believe it has been that lomg since the last time I have blogged! My father wrote me an e-mail telling me to update my blog. I did not even know that he read my blog! Thank you Daddy for reminding me to update my blog!

So, I got a job. I am working at BPAC again! Going back to that clinic was like going home. I know the job, I know my coworkers and what to expect from them, I know my bosses, and I know our clients. I love my job!

My nephew is growing! Emory, my niece is growing as well. She just turned three in October and Ethan is now three months old and weighs 15 pounds! I got to look after him on Saturday and he is such a laid back, happy boy. I cannot wait to meet my children.

My parents came into town a few weeks ago for Ethan's baptism. It was so great to see them! I cannot wait till christmas so that I may see them again. Mark was unable to see them because he has been so busy.

Mark and school have a very intimate marriage. Law school is a very demanding wife. Needless to say, we do not see as much of each other as we want to. Law school lives up to her rumored behavior of sucking time from your life. This semester is almost over and the next one will be here before we know it!

I cannot believe how this football season has shapped up. Such promise at the beginning has turned into disappointment! The iron bowl is the only game left of any importance before the sec championship. Did I mention that I am going to the sec championship? That's right!

The Jade is doing fine. She gets to go to work with me and play all day! The guys at the clinic take such great care of her. The bitties are also doing well. It is time for their shots! They cannot wait, I am sure of it.

Halloween came and went with little excitement as well as my birthday. We had an eighties themed party at Blue Monkey for my birthday and Kara and I were the only ones who dressed up! We did not dress up for halloween though I did get Jade a costume. The plan was for her to answer the door for the trick or treaters but none came. Very dissapointing.

Our next adventure is Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Mark said that we could get a tree this year! Hopefully he will not go back on his word!

No work and no play makes Grace an anxious girl?

No, I do not have a job yet. It is now September and I do not have a job. Day after day I pray that this time I venture out to apply for a job I will get a call back for an interview. Day after day I hear nothing. This is the longest time I have been unemployed since I was 19 years old. I am going crazy! Not really, but I need a job.

Well, if I do not have a job how do I fill my time you ask? I am not only the cook, maid, and errand girl anymore. I am now a landscape architect! Well, maybe not an architect of our landscape, but I now mow and edge the "lawn" (I say "lawn" because we have weeds not grass). I have been working on our backyard as well trying to kill all the weeds. I started with weeds as high as mid thigh and in clusters as big as size 4 soccer balls. After a grounds crew did a poor job of dealing with the height of our "lawn" I have been tackling the large clusters of weeds. I have sprayed and watered just to have succeeded in turning a quarter of our backyard into a dust bowl and the other 3/4 are still thriving like champs.

I have also become the "get 'er done!" person when it comes to repairs to be made that should have been made before we moved in. Case in point, our microwave made a funny noise when a friend tried to heat up some left over pizza when he came to help us paint in June. We told our landlord about it at that time and I have had a working microwave for only ten days now. I know that might seem miniscule, but when your oven does not work either, how are we to eat? I am very thankful to now have a working oven for 2 days. I hate to be rude but it should have been working since we moved in over a month ago!

The best job I have aquired while being stuck at home is dog trainer. Since Jade was a puppy, both of us have been very involved in her up bringing. We have been so committed to her that she became our child. We discussed in depth how to discipline her, when to feed her, crate training her, leash training her, and so much more. We need to be on the same page so as to not send comflicting signals that might confuse her while understanding that she is not human. She was actually a pretty easy dog to train. She was house broken in one month and had all your basic commands down pat by two weeks. One thing we had to realize about her is that she will be a puppy for a long time and we could not let her roam the house unattended lest she chew up anything valuable or get into something that could be detrimental to her health. So, we bought her a play pin. It kept her confined without having to be stuck in her crate all day. I was a miracle worker for us and, even though she was very capable of jumping out of it, she loved it. However, when we moved to our new place, the play pin did not fit so well. I then took it upon myself to transition her to the kitchen. It took me and Jade one week to go from pin to kitchen with a babygate to just kitchen. It is so great to have her out of my living room! It is also better for her to finally be able to have full access to her water bowl and to be able to lie in her padded crate whenever she wants instead of on the hard wood floor. Now if I could just teach her how to fetch me a beer . . .

So, as you see I am not completely without things to keep me occupied, but we still have no income. I really, really need a job!