All of these quotes come from the animal clinic where I work and they are real!
"I am calling to make an appointment for "Lucy." I am her secretary."
"My dog has been coughing for a few weeks and I need to talk to the doctor. I think its from all the cat food he has been eating."
This call came in thirty minutes before closing time. "My dog has been bleeding for the last three weeks and I need to see the doctor right now!"
Owner: "My dog is scratching, but I have never seen a flea on him. Can the doctor look at him?"
Me: "Yes. Are you sure you have not seen a single flea?"
Owner: "Oh, I am sure! He sleeps with me and that would be gross."
Me: "Ok, sure. Are you using flea prevention?"
Owner: "No, but I swear its not fleas. It must be allergies or something."
Me: "Ok, let's let the doctor take a look."
Doctor: "Mrs. Smith, "Buddy" is covered in fleas."
"I do not bathe my dog. She licks herself clean, like a cat"
"I have a question. Can my dog get sick from being around other dogs?"
Doctor: "Miss Jones, your Miniature Dachshund weighed in at 30 pounds today. He needs to weigh closer to 10 pounds."
Owner: "Are you saying my dog is fat because my dog is not fat."
Doctor: "Yes Ma'am, "Charlie" needs to loose about 15-20 pounds . . . "
Owner: "My dog is not fat! My dog does not need to lose weight! He is just fine!"
"My dog needs to have her teeth cleaned? You mean you clean dog's teeth? I have never heard of that. How do you get then to sit still to do that?"
"I need to make an appointment for my cat to see the doctor. I think she was attacked by a Grizzly Bear."
I love my job! It keeps me on my toes!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Friends or foes?!
I once heard that sharing secrets helps friends grow closer together. I recently discovered that if you do share secrets with "friends" you run the risk of living in fear. For example, I shared with some work friends that I am not so fond of eyeballs. I learned this when I had to dissect a sheep's eye in biology. I cut into the eye, it squirted its contents back at me and down I went. A few days after sharing this with work "friends" I received a text of a dissected cow's eye. EEEEWWWW!!!
Well, I cannot play the victim all the time. This past week at girl's night, a discussion of phobias was going around the table. A friend confided in us that she had a fear of backbones. She cannot tolerate having her back touched or seeing another person's backbone poking through their skin. We all asked questions trying to understand how she lives with this fear and inevitably started in on the jokes just to see her squirm in her seat. It was hilarious from my point of view, but i know all too well how she felt.
The worst is when you tell a friend a secret-secret that you do not want everybody to know and they tell anyway. No I am not talking about gossip. I am talking about an embarassing mishap that you do not mind your friend knowing but do mind others knowing. I mean, is it that far of a stretch of the imagination that when you tell your friend in secret it should stay in secret? Obviously, a friend of mine does not understand this concept.
My secret-secret happened a few years ago when I was getting married. My soon to be mother-in-law gave me a bottle of Alli pills after I had expressed to her that I wanted to lose a little weight before the wedding. She told me to take two capsules before a meal and it would prevent my body from obsorbing 30% of the fat in the meal. She warned me that it could cause some intestinal issues including passing orange "stool", but not to be alarmed. The orange "stool" was actually the fat passing straight through without being obsorbed. What she did not tell me is that you should not take it when you eat fast food or a meal very high in fat which is what the instruction booklet tells you because it could cause anal leakage. The concequences of doing so is why Alli helps you choose healthier meals.
Getting back to the point, I had been taking Alli for a few days at my main meals. One day, I had Guthries and so I took two Alli capsules. That evening, Mark and I were at my apartment watching TV. We were laughing when I felt like I needed to pass gas. Since Mark and I had been together for almost 6 years I felt comfortable enough to not only pass gas in front of him, but to joke around about it with him. While we were laughing, I proceeded to "let one loose" not realizing that just a little bit of force would also help let loose the anal leakage of orange "stool" caused by eating a high fat meal. The smile was immediately wiped from my face at the astonishment of what just happeded! I jumped up to run to the bathroom leaving evidence of my mishap on the couch cushion and a hysterically laughing fiance! Just to be clear, I did not poop my pants! It was the undigested fat the Alli encircled to remove it from my body in a not so flattering way. All Alli users know what I mean. Mark now refers to this incident as my "epic fail."
I reveal this because my "friend" has already told everybody, so why not?! But, with every good story there is always an exaggeration. She calls it my "sharting story." I did not poop my pants!
Well, I cannot play the victim all the time. This past week at girl's night, a discussion of phobias was going around the table. A friend confided in us that she had a fear of backbones. She cannot tolerate having her back touched or seeing another person's backbone poking through their skin. We all asked questions trying to understand how she lives with this fear and inevitably started in on the jokes just to see her squirm in her seat. It was hilarious from my point of view, but i know all too well how she felt.
The worst is when you tell a friend a secret-secret that you do not want everybody to know and they tell anyway. No I am not talking about gossip. I am talking about an embarassing mishap that you do not mind your friend knowing but do mind others knowing. I mean, is it that far of a stretch of the imagination that when you tell your friend in secret it should stay in secret? Obviously, a friend of mine does not understand this concept.
My secret-secret happened a few years ago when I was getting married. My soon to be mother-in-law gave me a bottle of Alli pills after I had expressed to her that I wanted to lose a little weight before the wedding. She told me to take two capsules before a meal and it would prevent my body from obsorbing 30% of the fat in the meal. She warned me that it could cause some intestinal issues including passing orange "stool", but not to be alarmed. The orange "stool" was actually the fat passing straight through without being obsorbed. What she did not tell me is that you should not take it when you eat fast food or a meal very high in fat which is what the instruction booklet tells you because it could cause anal leakage. The concequences of doing so is why Alli helps you choose healthier meals.
Getting back to the point, I had been taking Alli for a few days at my main meals. One day, I had Guthries and so I took two Alli capsules. That evening, Mark and I were at my apartment watching TV. We were laughing when I felt like I needed to pass gas. Since Mark and I had been together for almost 6 years I felt comfortable enough to not only pass gas in front of him, but to joke around about it with him. While we were laughing, I proceeded to "let one loose" not realizing that just a little bit of force would also help let loose the anal leakage of orange "stool" caused by eating a high fat meal. The smile was immediately wiped from my face at the astonishment of what just happeded! I jumped up to run to the bathroom leaving evidence of my mishap on the couch cushion and a hysterically laughing fiance! Just to be clear, I did not poop my pants! It was the undigested fat the Alli encircled to remove it from my body in a not so flattering way. All Alli users know what I mean. Mark now refers to this incident as my "epic fail."
I reveal this because my "friend" has already told everybody, so why not?! But, with every good story there is always an exaggeration. She calls it my "sharting story." I did not poop my pants!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I love technology!
So, a friend of mine gave me her Blackberry phone because she was moving. I have been wanting a Blackberry since they came out but I could never afford the phone. I am so super excited to have it!
I went to verizon on Friday to change out my phones (which took over an hour of waiting time) and quickly became too busy to play with my new phone. Today is the first chance I have had to play around and change all my settings.
I could not for the life of me figure out how to set my ringtone. I was so incredibly frustrated! I finally resorted to going on line. The Blackberry website told me to do the exact same thing my phone told me to do. My frustration escallated, but i followed the instructions and guess what? I managed to change my ringtone!
Now that I have that done, I had to post my success on Facebook! So I do and a friend immediately responds with a comment about the Geico Boss's ringtone that is Ring a ding a ding ding o ..... ringa dinga ding ding o ..... you know the commercial. So I go to the website on my phone and download that ringtone. That song really cracks me up and now I am going to be laughing everytime I answer my phone!
I went to verizon on Friday to change out my phones (which took over an hour of waiting time) and quickly became too busy to play with my new phone. Today is the first chance I have had to play around and change all my settings.
I could not for the life of me figure out how to set my ringtone. I was so incredibly frustrated! I finally resorted to going on line. The Blackberry website told me to do the exact same thing my phone told me to do. My frustration escallated, but i followed the instructions and guess what? I managed to change my ringtone!
Now that I have that done, I had to post my success on Facebook! So I do and a friend immediately responds with a comment about the Geico Boss's ringtone that is Ring a ding a ding ding o ..... ringa dinga ding ding o ..... you know the commercial. So I go to the website on my phone and download that ringtone. That song really cracks me up and now I am going to be laughing everytime I answer my phone!
Monday, February 15, 2010
The List
Tonight, I was thinking of a list. A list of things I want to do but for one reason or another, I cannot. Here is what made the top ten:
10. I want to buy my dog a cute stuffed toy, but the cute stuffed pig would require surgery in less than five minutes.
9. I want to decorate my house, but it costs too much money.
8. I want to do my taxes, but I still have not received my W2 from my last job.
7. I recently took up knitting and I want to finish my scarf, but I never seem to have the time.
6. I want to give away my mentally challenged cat, but no one seems to want a broken cat.
5. I want to have kids, but I need to wait until Mark is out of school.
4. I want to take a vacation, but it costs too much time and money.
3. I want to expand my cooking expertise, but I do not own the required cooking pieces to many recipies.
2. I want a garden, but I know myself and I would get bored half way through planting seeds.
1. I want to finish the laundry. Do I really need to include the reason?
Have a great week people!
10. I want to buy my dog a cute stuffed toy, but the cute stuffed pig would require surgery in less than five minutes.
9. I want to decorate my house, but it costs too much money.
8. I want to do my taxes, but I still have not received my W2 from my last job.
7. I recently took up knitting and I want to finish my scarf, but I never seem to have the time.
6. I want to give away my mentally challenged cat, but no one seems to want a broken cat.
5. I want to have kids, but I need to wait until Mark is out of school.
4. I want to take a vacation, but it costs too much time and money.
3. I want to expand my cooking expertise, but I do not own the required cooking pieces to many recipies.
2. I want a garden, but I know myself and I would get bored half way through planting seeds.
1. I want to finish the laundry. Do I really need to include the reason?
Have a great week people!
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